I caught myself doing a weird thing last night while washing my face.

Backstory: I’ve started taking much better care of my skin. That’s how it goes when you start taking care of your inside. You start to prioritize all kinds of care. Realizing you are worth it. And so I’ve been learning all about the multi-step Korean beauty process of double cleansing, toner, essence, serum, oil. Morning and night.

It has become a wonderful ritual for myself. A time to look myself in the mirror, see myself, honor myself, lovingly take care of me. And my skin has never looked better. I feel amazing.

I’ve even gotten so into it that I recently bought several new items to try – sometimes swapping them for the original line of skincare I bought. Just to see if they did more for my skin. Had any extra, cool benefits.

When I travel, I always take the same kit with me as I’ve noticed the original line of skincare works best on my skin. I look amazing when I use all those products in the right order.

I recently got back from a trip. Haven’t unpacked my “best” skincare yet and so have been using the backup stuff. And noticing that my skin doesn’t look as amazing as it does when I use the best stuff.

And this is what popped into my head last night: “I’ll just keep using this backup stuff and save to best skincare for special occasions. I don’t need to look great all the time. No need to waste it.”

THIS IS A THING I SAID TO MYSELF.

It’s ok to have my FACE be for special occasions? Uh uh. No. Not even a little bit ok.

I share this with you because that’s how #ACoA healing works. We start taking care of ourselves, doing what feels good. And even in the taking care, those awful judgy voices sneak in. It’s my drunk mom calling me fat, or unworthy of an award I just got at school. It’s her telling me I should put more blush on before I leave the house because I look like a ghost. These comments still live in my body and creep in unexpectedly.

GOOD NEWS: I caught myself. Reminded myself of what’s true. And you can too.

And of course: I used the good skincare this morning! Because I am ever so worthy.