There is dark.
There is light.
There are clouds.
And the sun.
And blue sky.
Embrace every part of you and every part of your journey. The good bits and the bad. The cliché is a cliché for a reason. It’s true: you cannot appreciate the light without experiencing the dark. And the light always comes. Promise.
It’s so easy to hold life tightly. To control the alcoholics in your life. Or, if you are no longer living in that situation, to control everything else. People and situations at work, friends, strangers who frustrate us at the store. And we get so angry when we can’t just have things go the way we NEED them to go.
As #ACoAs, we hold it all so tightly it hurts. We never know what will happen or how crazy things will get so we are READY and alert and tense at all times. But just as @blossombodyawareness says: if you hold the sand tightly in your hand it disappears between your fingers and falls away. But if you let go a little, open your hand and relax, the sand stays in your palm. Take this with you today and carry it in your heart. Where in your life can you loosen your grip and breathe? And what shifts and alters and becomes easier if you do? We’ll do it together.
At various stages in my life, I realized that I needed to deal with being an adult child of an alcoholic. I read the books in my 20’s and again in my 30’s. I went to Al-Anon for teens. I went to Al-Anon as an adult. None of those meetings resonated with me. None of the books – though so helpful in realizing I was definitely exhibiting co-dependent behaviors – had a lasting effect. I was still so dysfunctional at work. So angry and didn’t know why. So ok with being in relationships that were not healthy. It took access to great therapy and a dozen life twists & turns for me to finally be able to look at it all – everything from my childhood with two alcoholic parents. Healing did not occur suddenly out of nowhere. It took yoga, therapy, hiking, lots of reading, self-care, brutal honesty with myself and others, the support of friends and so much more over a long, winding road. And the process continues.
No matter where you are in your journey to begin dealing with what it really felt like to be in a home with alcoholics and how that has affected the rest of your life to date, know that you can start right now no matter what that path looked like in getting here. You are not alone and there are so many non-linear ways to heal and step into a life that is of your making, not theirs.