The end of a year and the beginning of another year can be a really potent time. I’ve worked in wellness for nearly 20 years so I know all too well the huge ramp up to messages about new year, new you. And though I think we’re all doing a bit better about that exact messaging, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how tough it is for us as ACoAs to listen to our own needs and how much more difficult that can be during this explosion of wellness messaging: what is your word of the year? it’s the full moon, do this! it’s the new moon, do this! here are fifty templates for instagramming your 2019 goals, here is what this year is all about according to the stars so here is what you will experience, this is how you should eat, this is how you should marie kondo your life before this month ends…and so on and so on.

As recovering people-pleasers who are highly suggestible, this tidal wave of shoulds around wellness and spirituality and your supposed journey to actual healing as told to you by any number of people on Instagram can be overwhelming. Triggering, even. So I’m being really careful with myself. This is the year we listen to ourselves — really listen — and do what feels best to us. I repeat: do what feels best to US.

Rituals and time-markers and planning are all wonderful ways to set intentions and check in with yourself. But choose wisely. And maybe choose only a few. If it’s the new moon but you are really tired, maybe skip that 3 hour goal planning session, spend 30 min on it and use the remaining time to rest. Do a little. Do a lot. Do none of it. Do all of it. It’s entirely up to you because it is only about you.

You have worked so hard to get to a place where you are ready to listen to your needs and choose you. Honor yourself by doing exactly what would feel best. I’ve caught myself feeling that I “should” do this new year thing or that new year thing and then realized: you know what? i’m experiencing a lot at the moment and what would be truly best for me right now is ___________________ . Even if that’s not part of any new year ritual or get-ahead plan. What would feel so good right now? Today? What do you need? Trust yourself and do that.